Post by Paroxysm on Oct 22, 2016 11:59:47 GMT -5
“I hate everything…” The Joker groaned, lying face down on a couch wherever he was.
Anne hit him playfully with a pillow. “You are a fool,” she informed him.
“Nothing is fun since the Bat left,” he whined, unmoving.
“You have to make your own fun,” Anne said. She sat down on his legs. “It’s what I do.”
The Joker made an unintelligible groan, and raised the hand hanging over the edge of the couch. He shot whatever was in front of it without raising his head, and after the gunshot rang out, he mumbled, “It didn’t work.”
“Then let’s go… uh…” Anne tried to think of something exciting, but talking to an infamous criminal was exciting. She just sat there for a moment, thinking.
“Everything is too easy now,” he said unhappily. After a second he sat up, frowning in determination. “I have to bring him back.”
Anne blinked. “Batman?”
“Yes, Batman,” he snapped.
Anne nodded slowly. “For the excitement…” She rested her chin on her hand, looking for ideas. “You could just… be Batman.”
The Joker just kind of frowned for a while, trying to decide if that was a doable idea.
Anne chuckled. “Please don’t tell me you’re actually thinking of doing that.”
“You don’t think I’d be convincing enough?” he countered, sounding offended.
Anne bit her lip, thinking. “Well,” she said. “Maybe. But… Batman fights for justice. Isn’t justice boring?”
“Life is more boring without him!” The Joker groaned, falling back on the couch again. “And who knows him better than little old me?”
Randomly, Aleenya and Ash stormed into the wherever it was.
Upon seeing them, Ash said, “Well, godBLESS AMERICA!” She crossed her arms and leaned against the wall, looking amused.
“What a happenstance.” Aleenya leaned next to Ash. “We were about to go be evil.”
“There is a distinct lack of anything fun ever happening ever again,” The Joker muttered.
“Well, we were going to *insert crime here*, wanna come?”
“Oooh,” Anne murmured. “Yes.”
“What’s the pooooint?” The Joker whined, rolling off of the couch.
Anne slapped him. “NOT BEING BORED.” She tugged on his hand in an attempt to get him to stand up.
The Joker just groaned again.
“What’s up with him?” Ash asked. “And who are you?”
“Yeah, good point.” Aleenya frowned, then walked over to Joker and kicked him in the head. “Up,” she ordered.
“Anne,” she said. “A friend. And he’s being… bored.”
“...Friend..?” Ash asked, not quite believing her. The Joker didn’t really have normal friends.
Also, Anne was dressed as a pirate. “Yes, a friend. UP. I’M SERIOUS. OR I WILL… WILL… DO SOMETHING HORRIBLE.”
“It would be horrible if the whole meaning of this city crumbled due to lack of Batman, OH WAIT,” The Joker whined obnoxiously.
Anne forcefully pulled him to his feet. “Up,” she snapped. “Or I will… steal all your chocolate, and, and then eat it, and…”
The Joker groaned and kept himself standing. “What kind of boring Bat-less thing are you doing?”
Aleenya blinked. “We were going to rob Crane’s old house. But we could do something else, too.”
“He’s boring and caught,” The Joker muttered.
Anne pulled him by the hand. “Come,” she ordered.
Aleenya grabbed chocolate from her hidden stash which was why they’d gone into this building, and then turned around and went outside.
Ash followed them, and spoke to Anne. “He’s moping over Batman?” she asked, confused.
“Yeah, he needs a force of evil, or something.” Anne shrugged.
“I’d say Scarlett provides plenty, so far,” Ash commented.
The Joker suddenly made an indeterminate grumble and started to stalk forward at a quicker pace, without being dragged.
Aleenya hopped into the passenger’s seat of Ash’s car. “Just drive somewhere?” she suggested.
Anne shrugged and followed, pulling Joker after her into the back of the car.
They all drove off. “Crane’s house is probably taken over by somebody else already,” Ash said.
“Yeah, well. Maybe there’s something hidden in the walls.” Aleenya opened the window and let the frigid air brush across her face.
“Finding his secrets!” Ash said happily. “And next time we can get Scarlett!” The Joker hid a scowl from the back seat.
“Hah, again? We’ve already scarred her once…” Aleenya leaned her head on the edge of the window.
“How?” The Joker asked them
Aleenya smirked. “I wrote on her arm. It was fun.”
“And we smashed her door in,” Ash said. “Got her to sufficiently hate us!” The Joker gave a short laugh that didn’t actually sound very amused.
“It was fun.” She turned to Ash. “I can’t waiiit…”
“Eyes on the road,” Ash reminded her, smirking.
THEY GOT TO CRANE’S HOUSE.
Excitamente.
Ash got out of the car and knocked on the door quickly.
A man in his thirties opened the door. He had spiky bleach-blonde hair and his eyes were, peculiarly, purple. He smiled and stepped back, waving his arm. “Come in, come in!” he said. His voice sounded elated.
“Erm…” Ash began.
“I was just about to make some tea!” The man practically bowed them in the door.
Anne smothered a laugh. Ash looked at the others, hoping they were just as dumbfounded as she was, and then followed the man inside. She was interesed to see what he had planned.
“Sit down, sit down!”He led them to the dining room and gestured to the large wooden table. The decorations were bright and friendly. He then hurried off.
Aleenya started to laugh, and Ash’s laugh followed soon after, laced with disbelief. Anne sat down at the table next to the Joker, who was already seated, and looked more closely at the other two serial killers. After a moment, she smiled and adjusted the pirateyness of her coat.
“Crane would have a bippity boppity bippity boppity bitchfit if he knew this guy had taken his house,” Ash mused.
Aleenya practically giggled at the image. “It’s like Alice in Wonderland or something.
The man came back with an old silver tray bearing a pot of tea, several mugs, and a little pot of sugar. “Now, who are you?” he asked. He set the tray down and took his place in a wooden chair. Ash’s mouth fell open and she laughed again, glancing at the Joker, who was just sitting at the table looking bored.
“Some kind of costume festival, perhaps?” the man persisted.
Aleenya snorted while Anne hid a smile and answered, “Something like that.”
Ash just shook her head and covered her mouth in amusement. “I don’t even..”
The Joker took a spoonful of sugar and put in Anne’s tea. “And who are you?” he asked the man.
“I didn’t say I wanted sugar,” Anne mumbled.
The man didn’t answer, and the Joker put another spoonful in Anne’s cup. “Well, what is the answer, sir?” he asked, ignoring Anne. Ash was sitting to the side trying really hard to hold in how funny she found the whole situation. Anne ‘accidentally’ spilled the Joker’s tea onto his clothes.
“Hmmm? My name is David Smith.” The man beamed at the Joker. “That makeup is wonderfully done, by the way.”
The Joker pushed Anne’s chair over without looking away from the man. “Thank you, I don’t try.”
“So.. Mr. Smith, why are you offering strangers tea?” Ash forced out behind her laughter. Anne stole the Joker’s wallet and he hopefully didn’t notice. She, too, was watching the man.
“Don’t you?” David asked.
The Joker’s wallet isn’t a wallet because he doesn’t have time for that nonsense. When Anne pulledit out, it popped out into a kind of inflatable jack in the box thing and loudly said ‘GOTCHA.’ Nobody really reacted.
Ash was about to respond with “no,” but then thought about her past experiences and said instead, “I guess I do.” Anne stole the wallet thing anyway.
“There you go. Explains it!” David beamed at them.
Ash just keppt silently laughing and decided to take some tea for herself. “I can’t believe this…”
“Seems like a past time like that could get you into trouble,” the Joker said, taking a cup of tea and tossing the liquid into Anne’s face.
“Probably,” David agreed, still thoroughly cheerful, “but at least the troublemaker got a cup of tea.” Anne stuck a q-tip in Joker’s ear so that he looked like an alien. The Joker threw the q-tip at her.
“Alright then, David,” Ash began, sipping her tea. “Tell me about yourself.”
Aleenya got up and sat on the table in front of David. “Yes, do,” she said.
“I am a man of humble beginnngs.” David leaned back in his chair. “I was born in Winnepeg --that’s in Canada-- to two poor clowns in the local circus.” He smiled at the Joker. “It’s why I like your costume.”
“So you were, like, a circus boy?” Anne asked. She threw a metal rubber duck at the Joker. The Joker drank some tea like he was a normal person.
“I wanted to joint he circus when I was younger, but it was too expensive,” Ash mused.
“Ah, but not if you are the child of clowns,” David said wisely.
“I should have joined the circus,” Aleenya said with a rueful grin.
Ash glanced at the Joker. “Never have kids,” she informed him. The Joker decided that he didn’t like tea in the first place and slid the cup over to Anne. Anne thanked the Joker and drank some tea.
“Do you want to hear the rest of my story or not?” David demanded.
“Of course, dear, please continue,” Ash responded, still sounding amused.
“Well.” David looked all of them in the eye AT ONCE. “The dancing bear at the circus tried to assassinate me, so I fled in fear. I had several aliases to hide from Mr. Fur, with every job from a dental hygienist to recycling bin attendee.
“Do you think I would be accepted into normal society if I worked as a recycling bin attendee?” Aleenya said to no one in particular.
Ash sipped her tea to hide her expression. The Joker seemed very interested in what could only be perceived as an insincere way.
“But then, one dark night, Mr. Fur caught up with me.” David paused for dramatic effect, and Aleenya ruined it with a laugh. He glared at her.
“Just keep going, hun,” Ash said behind her cup, still amused. The Joker started looking around the table for something other than tea.
“Right. Well, he was riding a horse- he does that sometimes- and I heard the hooves and I turned around and THERE HE WAS. I about killed him then and there, but then… uh, he tried to kill me first.”
“I thought you said he was a bear?” Anne commented.
“It’s a metaphor. I kept hiding and taking random jobs, which basically leads up to today. I am currently the man who plays the piano at McDonalds. So, yeah. Now you understand why I invited you in for tea.”
Ash nodded at the man. “Crane would be having a field day right now,” she murmured to Aleenya.
Aleenya yawned. “Yeah, probably…” she looked out the window. The Joker, having found nothing of interest, put his face on the table much like when he had been complaining about Batman earlier.
“That was a very interesting story, David,” Ash commented, blinking a few times and rubbing her eyes.
“Thank you!” he said haughtily.
“I’m tired,” Anne mumbled, sipping at her tea. The Joker sat up quickly, looking around at the others. Ash frowned for a second and rubbed her eyes again.
“Why am I so tired?” Aleenya mumbled, and then fell asleep.
Anne sat up sharply, but the movement lacked energy. David smiled broadly over all of them. The Joker rolled his eyes and glared at the man as Ash passed out while murmuring “God BLESS AMERICA..” Just a little while later, the Joker lost consciousness as well.
When Anne opened her eyes, the first thing she saw was a five foot tall nutcracker. The Joker was awake by that point, having had only a little of the tea, and he was just muttering bitterly to himself.
“I am severely annoyed with that man,” Anne muttered to him. She stood up. The room was empty but for a very large collection of nutcrackers. David had taken everyone’s weapons by this point and the door was locked. Undaunted by this, Anne started to hunt for a small piece of metal.
Aleenya slept better than she had in a long time. Due to Ash’s affinity towards warm drinks, she was still asleep. She had had too much tea.
The Joker said, “He’s certainly no Batman.”
Rather bitterly, might I add.
Anne paused in her hunt and said brashly, “Yeah, and what kind of a Joker are you that you fell for it?”
“Shut up. I don’t need caution anymore. We’ll get out of this anyway. These amateurs don’t know what they’re in for,” the Joker muttered.
“Right. I need a lockpick. He took mine.” Anne started to paw through the nutcrackers, searching.
“He’ll come back eventually,” The Joker said.
“I want to escape before that happens, though,” Anne said. The Joker shrugged and faceplanted on the ground, knocking over another nutcracker and cracking it’s head.
Anne blinked. “Did that have a purpose?” She continued to search.
“No,” the Joker mumbled. “I’m just waiting for Mr. Smith to get back so we can snap his cheery neck.”
Anne snorted. “Stop waiting around and go find him. That’s what I’m trying to do.” She discovered something like what she was looking for as a doorpin or something silly like that and immediately attacked the lock.
The Joker brought himself to look appalled. “And you would just leave our people here?”
Anne hesitated. “Well. I’ll come back.”
“Or he’ll come back,” the Joker said. “Better odds that we’ll run into him sometime in here than out there.” He leaned back and raised an eyebrow at Anne.
She shrugged. “I want to explore. Hopefully, I won’t be noticed.” The lock clicked and she smiled. The Joker sighed melodramatically and stood up.
Anne grinned at him. “See you in a bit!” she said. “Unless you’re coming?”
“You’re not going anywhere without me. These two won’t be entertaining in their state,” the Joker whined.
Anne chuckled a little. “No, probably not. I’m locking the door after us, if you don’t mind. In case he checks or something.”
“They won’t thank you,” the Joker commented. “Therefore, let’s go.” Anne stuck her tongue out at him and led the way through the oddly decorated house. She didn’t make it far before noticing a curtained off room. She listened to see if it was empty, then poked her head inside. It appeared to be something like a lab.
The Joker walked in and began fiddling around with random objects he found, looking progressively more bored with each one.
“This is only interesting if he’s doing, like, mad scientist things in here,” Anne commented.
“A lot of it looks like just sleeping drugs anyway,” the Joker answered.
“No dead bodies?” Anne peered under the sink.
“Not yet,” he said, sounding rather disappointed by this.
“Huh.” Anne flounced out of the room. The Joker threw the expensive looking gizmo he was holding onto the ground with a resounding clang that sounded like it broke something.
“Nice,” she said.
He shrugged and walked out of the door. After a few seconds he ducked into another room. Anne followed him.SUDDENLY, AS THEY WERE POKING AROUND, The Joker suddenly backed against a wall and put a finger to his lips. He saw a person-shaped shadow in the hallway.
Anne ducked behind a door and was silent. David floated past, unnoticing of the two in the room. He was headed in the direction of their nutcracker prison.
The Joker gave a cruel grin towards nothing and began to stalk after him.
David opened the door to the nutcracker room and noticed immediately that two of his prisoners were gone. Anne crept down the hall behind him.
The Joker jumped at the man and tackled him to the ground from behind with a loud war cry. Ash, who was now awake, shouted in surprise but started laughing almost immediately. Anne followed the Joker, her foot landing somewhere near David’s head. She was laughing.
Aleenya stared at the entire clump of human flesh. Ash was still laughing, finding this entirely too funny a thing to wake up to.
Joker had the man trapped on the ground, and demanded of anyone in the room who was listening, “Rope.”
Anne, who usually had such things, reached into the backpack that David had not taken away from her for some reason. She tossed some rope to the Joker.
The Joker tied the man up with practiced ease and shoved him up against the nearest wall. “You don’t mess with the big boys, buddy,” he muttered to the man, searching his pockets, and then threateningly waving David’s own knife in front of his face.
“Knives are my thing,” Aleenya said sulkily. “Give it to me, Joker, so I don’t have to hunt through this ridiculous house.”
The Joker sneered and threw the knife at Aleeyna, skulking away from the man and leaning against the opposite wall with his arms crossed.
Aleenya caught it by the hilt and moved closer to the man. “How’s it going, David?” she asked cheerfully. “You should really choose your guests more wisely.”
Anne was suddenly very quiet. So was David. Ash was quietly laughing to herself in the corner. She didn’t want to do anything but watch. This whole thing was too ridiculous for her.
“Maybe he’s blind and hiding it really well,” the Joker suggested, muttering.
“Scientific method!” Aleenya traced a faint line across David’s neck, causing a tiny trickle of blood. He did not react.
“I think he is a robot,” Ash declared. The Joker hissed, and pulled his own knife out of a hidden compartment in his shoe. Without warning, he stabbed through the man’s hands.
Anne, who was still being unnaturally silent, flinched.
“I think that made a hole,” Aleenya said.
“Does this bother you, buccaneer?” the Joker asked Anne, his eyes glinting with murderous fervor as he pierced the man’s shoulder slowly, watching the blood ooze around the blade.
“Only slightly.” Anne’s voice was remarkably cool. “Continue doing your thing.”
“David, David,” the Joker whined, the bloody blade now stroking up the man’s cheek, “I think there’s something wrong with you. Why won’t you answer me?”
David sat up, and the knife scraped his cheek. He stared directly forward as though he was possessed. “TROLL IN THE DUNGEON!” he screamed, and then lay back down on the floor.
Aleenya started to laugh and did not stop. This was slightly unnerving, as she had a rather sharp knife clutched in one hand. Ash joined in once again. “I swear to god!” she shouted through the laughter.
The Joker stared with a deadpan expression. “No. Nope. Nope, no, I’m done. Crazy people aren’t fun to play with.”
“You hypocrite!” Anne shoved him lightly.
Aleenya grabbed the man’s arm. “So when it’s just me I write Aleenya. Would this be like… AlAshJok… what’s your name again?”
She looked at Anne, who said, “Anne.”
“Right. Alashjokann… no, that is way too many letters.”
The Joker grabbed Anne’s arm and twisted it violently, barely looking at her. “You however, would be more fun, so don’t push it.”
Ash leaned over Aleenya’s shoulder. “Technically, it’s his fault, so you could just write David.”
“That is easier,” Aleenya agreed. “SCARRED BY HIS OWN NAME!” She carved a D into David’s arm. Irritatingly, he didn’t react.
Anne debated between hitting Joker and ignoring him. As he was a serial killer, she decided to ignore him. She pulled her arm away.
The Joker left Anne alone, and watched Aleenya do her work.
"This is incredible," Ash said in wonder at David's lack of response.
Aleenya scrawled the word in rather quickly with her knife, leaving behind a bloody mess. “I don’t understand,” she said.
“He isn’t even flinching!” Ash gasped.
The Joker sighed angrily. “This isn’t even fun. Just hurry up and kill him, Aleenya.”
Aleenya looked down at David for a long moment, and then sighed. “No,” she said. “I’m not going to kill him.”
The Joker groaned, “Fine then, make your friend do it.”
Ash laughed, “But he’s too funny to kill! I don’t want to rid the world of this!”
Aleenya gave Ash a slightly grateful look. “Besides,” she said. “I didn’t scar him for nothing.”
Anne, meanwhile, looked a little relieved.
The Joker sighed disgustedly, and walked up to the man, slicing his cheeks in two quick motions, and leaving him to choke on his own blood. “The criminals of this city just keep going further downhill,” he muttered unhappily, and then continuing to himself, “We need our motivation back.”
(I STRONGLY DISLIKE THE IMAGERY IN MY HEAD RIGHT NOW.)
Aleenya rolled her eyes. Anne decided to go steal something again.
“Aw..” Ash whined, not really sounding overly put-out, “He even gave us tea. What a sweet lunatic.”
The Joker sneered and stormed off to find the exit.
Anne walked a bit slower with Aleenya and Ash.
“Hey, Aleenya, we were originally here to find something of Crane’s to torment him with, right?” Ash asked. “You think we should still do that, or is this enough?”
“YES, we should.” Aleenya tore off in random directions and started looking through the extremely random house for hidden hideaways of Crane’s stuff.
Ash laughed and turned to Anne, extending a hand. “Ash. I’m not sure we’ve properly met,” she introduced herself.
Anne shook it. “I’m Anne,” she said. “I don’t think we have.”
“Well, it’s a pleasure. It’s nice to know that I’m not the only one that has had to deal with him,” Ash responded, gesturing towards the direction the Joker went.
Anne laughed a bit. “Mutual,” she said.
"How did you get involved?" Ash asked.
“Oh, just sort of… ran into him, you could say,” Anne told her.
Ash laughed. "Yeah, that's a good way of putting it, I suppose!"
Anne nodded a little absently. “Makes life interesting, certainly.”
"I'm honestly kind of glad that he's found some other way to preoccupy himself other than being at my house," Ash admitted. "He's fun, but you can't trust him."
“Of course not. He spends time at your house?” Anne glanced over at Ash.
"He used to," Ash said as they turned a corner.
Randomly, Aleenya ran back into the room. “I found a cowboy rubber duck hidden in the wall!” she said. “You think that it was Crane’s?”
Anne stifled a laugh. Ash didn't hide hers. "Somehow I doubt it, unless he grew up here."
Aleenya shrugged. “Maybe it did,” she said. “Where’s the clown man?”
"I stopped questioning him a long time ago." Ash suddenly gasped happily. "Aleenya!
Aleenya looked slightly alarmed at Ash’s excitement. “Yes?” she asked shrewdly.
"We have to keep it!"
“Crane? I thought we were already doing that.” Aleenya looked confused, and Anne couldn’t help but laugh.
(you made me spit out my coffee)
"No, no, no, the duck, you weirdo!" Ash laughed. "We need to stalk him with it until he tells us what it is!"
Aleenya smirked. “Oh,” she said. “Okay. I like that idea.”
Anne looked at her watch. “I have to go soon,” she informed them. “I have a, uh, thing to do.” She did not quite hide her smile.
"A... thing?" Ash questioned.
Anne’s smile broadened. “Yes, a thing,” she said abstractly.
"You are remarkably descriptive," Ash told her.
Anne looked at Ash and Aleenya for a moment, studying them. Then she said, “Have you heard of that sapphire that was just brought to Gotham to be auctioned? It’s worth approximately the same amount of money as Bruce Wayne’s house. It is rather large.”
"That's a lot of money.." Ash said.
“I know,” Anne said. “I intend to steal it.”
Aleenya raised her eyebrows. “Are you sure you can pull that off?” she asked, a little doubtfully. The pirate-girl had a certain innocence about her.
Anne rolled her eyes. “I have done this before,” she said.
Ash grinned. "Is that why the Joker's been hanging around you?"
“I don’t entirely know why he’s been hanging around me. He’s rather bored right now. Do you want to come with me?” Anne asked before actually thinking about it.
"Ooh! That sounds exciting!" Ash exclaimed.
“Though on second thought…” Anne frowned. “Are you capable of carefulness? Because I intend to not be caught.”
Aleenya scoffed. “I am elegant and graceful, thank you very much.” At that particular moment, she tripped on a table leg.
"Besides, if anything we can be a diversion for you!" Ash commented cheerily, trying to catch Aleenya.
Aleenya was not caught. She hit her head on the table and swore.
“Alright, sure,” Anne agreed cheerily after a moment’s thought.
"We are excellent at being distracting," Ash said.
“I’ve noticed,” Anne said. “Well, I am leaving now if you wish to come.”
Ash nodded.
Anne flounced out of the house. “Do you have a car?” she called over her shoulder. “It would make life easier, I think Joker went someplace.”
"Yes," Ash answered, leading the way to their car.
Anne hit him playfully with a pillow. “You are a fool,” she informed him.
“Nothing is fun since the Bat left,” he whined, unmoving.
“You have to make your own fun,” Anne said. She sat down on his legs. “It’s what I do.”
The Joker made an unintelligible groan, and raised the hand hanging over the edge of the couch. He shot whatever was in front of it without raising his head, and after the gunshot rang out, he mumbled, “It didn’t work.”
“Then let’s go… uh…” Anne tried to think of something exciting, but talking to an infamous criminal was exciting. She just sat there for a moment, thinking.
“Everything is too easy now,” he said unhappily. After a second he sat up, frowning in determination. “I have to bring him back.”
Anne blinked. “Batman?”
“Yes, Batman,” he snapped.
Anne nodded slowly. “For the excitement…” She rested her chin on her hand, looking for ideas. “You could just… be Batman.”
The Joker just kind of frowned for a while, trying to decide if that was a doable idea.
Anne chuckled. “Please don’t tell me you’re actually thinking of doing that.”
“You don’t think I’d be convincing enough?” he countered, sounding offended.
Anne bit her lip, thinking. “Well,” she said. “Maybe. But… Batman fights for justice. Isn’t justice boring?”
“Life is more boring without him!” The Joker groaned, falling back on the couch again. “And who knows him better than little old me?”
Randomly, Aleenya and Ash stormed into the wherever it was.
Upon seeing them, Ash said, “Well, godBLESS AMERICA!” She crossed her arms and leaned against the wall, looking amused.
“What a happenstance.” Aleenya leaned next to Ash. “We were about to go be evil.”
“There is a distinct lack of anything fun ever happening ever again,” The Joker muttered.
“Well, we were going to *insert crime here*, wanna come?”
“Oooh,” Anne murmured. “Yes.”
“What’s the pooooint?” The Joker whined, rolling off of the couch.
Anne slapped him. “NOT BEING BORED.” She tugged on his hand in an attempt to get him to stand up.
The Joker just groaned again.
“What’s up with him?” Ash asked. “And who are you?”
“Yeah, good point.” Aleenya frowned, then walked over to Joker and kicked him in the head. “Up,” she ordered.
“Anne,” she said. “A friend. And he’s being… bored.”
“...Friend..?” Ash asked, not quite believing her. The Joker didn’t really have normal friends.
Also, Anne was dressed as a pirate. “Yes, a friend. UP. I’M SERIOUS. OR I WILL… WILL… DO SOMETHING HORRIBLE.”
“It would be horrible if the whole meaning of this city crumbled due to lack of Batman, OH WAIT,” The Joker whined obnoxiously.
Anne forcefully pulled him to his feet. “Up,” she snapped. “Or I will… steal all your chocolate, and, and then eat it, and…”
The Joker groaned and kept himself standing. “What kind of boring Bat-less thing are you doing?”
Aleenya blinked. “We were going to rob Crane’s old house. But we could do something else, too.”
“He’s boring and caught,” The Joker muttered.
Anne pulled him by the hand. “Come,” she ordered.
Aleenya grabbed chocolate from her hidden stash which was why they’d gone into this building, and then turned around and went outside.
Ash followed them, and spoke to Anne. “He’s moping over Batman?” she asked, confused.
“Yeah, he needs a force of evil, or something.” Anne shrugged.
“I’d say Scarlett provides plenty, so far,” Ash commented.
The Joker suddenly made an indeterminate grumble and started to stalk forward at a quicker pace, without being dragged.
Aleenya hopped into the passenger’s seat of Ash’s car. “Just drive somewhere?” she suggested.
Anne shrugged and followed, pulling Joker after her into the back of the car.
They all drove off. “Crane’s house is probably taken over by somebody else already,” Ash said.
“Yeah, well. Maybe there’s something hidden in the walls.” Aleenya opened the window and let the frigid air brush across her face.
“Finding his secrets!” Ash said happily. “And next time we can get Scarlett!” The Joker hid a scowl from the back seat.
“Hah, again? We’ve already scarred her once…” Aleenya leaned her head on the edge of the window.
“How?” The Joker asked them
Aleenya smirked. “I wrote on her arm. It was fun.”
“And we smashed her door in,” Ash said. “Got her to sufficiently hate us!” The Joker gave a short laugh that didn’t actually sound very amused.
“It was fun.” She turned to Ash. “I can’t waiiit…”
“Eyes on the road,” Ash reminded her, smirking.
THEY GOT TO CRANE’S HOUSE.
Excitamente.
Ash got out of the car and knocked on the door quickly.
A man in his thirties opened the door. He had spiky bleach-blonde hair and his eyes were, peculiarly, purple. He smiled and stepped back, waving his arm. “Come in, come in!” he said. His voice sounded elated.
“Erm…” Ash began.
“I was just about to make some tea!” The man practically bowed them in the door.
Anne smothered a laugh. Ash looked at the others, hoping they were just as dumbfounded as she was, and then followed the man inside. She was interesed to see what he had planned.
“Sit down, sit down!”He led them to the dining room and gestured to the large wooden table. The decorations were bright and friendly. He then hurried off.
Aleenya started to laugh, and Ash’s laugh followed soon after, laced with disbelief. Anne sat down at the table next to the Joker, who was already seated, and looked more closely at the other two serial killers. After a moment, she smiled and adjusted the pirateyness of her coat.
“Crane would have a bippity boppity bippity boppity bitchfit if he knew this guy had taken his house,” Ash mused.
Aleenya practically giggled at the image. “It’s like Alice in Wonderland or something.
The man came back with an old silver tray bearing a pot of tea, several mugs, and a little pot of sugar. “Now, who are you?” he asked. He set the tray down and took his place in a wooden chair. Ash’s mouth fell open and she laughed again, glancing at the Joker, who was just sitting at the table looking bored.
“Some kind of costume festival, perhaps?” the man persisted.
Aleenya snorted while Anne hid a smile and answered, “Something like that.”
Ash just shook her head and covered her mouth in amusement. “I don’t even..”
The Joker took a spoonful of sugar and put in Anne’s tea. “And who are you?” he asked the man.
“I didn’t say I wanted sugar,” Anne mumbled.
The man didn’t answer, and the Joker put another spoonful in Anne’s cup. “Well, what is the answer, sir?” he asked, ignoring Anne. Ash was sitting to the side trying really hard to hold in how funny she found the whole situation. Anne ‘accidentally’ spilled the Joker’s tea onto his clothes.
“Hmmm? My name is David Smith.” The man beamed at the Joker. “That makeup is wonderfully done, by the way.”
The Joker pushed Anne’s chair over without looking away from the man. “Thank you, I don’t try.”
“So.. Mr. Smith, why are you offering strangers tea?” Ash forced out behind her laughter. Anne stole the Joker’s wallet and he hopefully didn’t notice. She, too, was watching the man.
“Don’t you?” David asked.
The Joker’s wallet isn’t a wallet because he doesn’t have time for that nonsense. When Anne pulledit out, it popped out into a kind of inflatable jack in the box thing and loudly said ‘GOTCHA.’ Nobody really reacted.
Ash was about to respond with “no,” but then thought about her past experiences and said instead, “I guess I do.” Anne stole the wallet thing anyway.
“There you go. Explains it!” David beamed at them.
Ash just keppt silently laughing and decided to take some tea for herself. “I can’t believe this…”
“Seems like a past time like that could get you into trouble,” the Joker said, taking a cup of tea and tossing the liquid into Anne’s face.
“Probably,” David agreed, still thoroughly cheerful, “but at least the troublemaker got a cup of tea.” Anne stuck a q-tip in Joker’s ear so that he looked like an alien. The Joker threw the q-tip at her.
“Alright then, David,” Ash began, sipping her tea. “Tell me about yourself.”
Aleenya got up and sat on the table in front of David. “Yes, do,” she said.
“I am a man of humble beginnngs.” David leaned back in his chair. “I was born in Winnepeg --that’s in Canada-- to two poor clowns in the local circus.” He smiled at the Joker. “It’s why I like your costume.”
“So you were, like, a circus boy?” Anne asked. She threw a metal rubber duck at the Joker. The Joker drank some tea like he was a normal person.
“I wanted to joint he circus when I was younger, but it was too expensive,” Ash mused.
“Ah, but not if you are the child of clowns,” David said wisely.
“I should have joined the circus,” Aleenya said with a rueful grin.
Ash glanced at the Joker. “Never have kids,” she informed him. The Joker decided that he didn’t like tea in the first place and slid the cup over to Anne. Anne thanked the Joker and drank some tea.
“Do you want to hear the rest of my story or not?” David demanded.
“Of course, dear, please continue,” Ash responded, still sounding amused.
“Well.” David looked all of them in the eye AT ONCE. “The dancing bear at the circus tried to assassinate me, so I fled in fear. I had several aliases to hide from Mr. Fur, with every job from a dental hygienist to recycling bin attendee.
“Do you think I would be accepted into normal society if I worked as a recycling bin attendee?” Aleenya said to no one in particular.
Ash sipped her tea to hide her expression. The Joker seemed very interested in what could only be perceived as an insincere way.
“But then, one dark night, Mr. Fur caught up with me.” David paused for dramatic effect, and Aleenya ruined it with a laugh. He glared at her.
“Just keep going, hun,” Ash said behind her cup, still amused. The Joker started looking around the table for something other than tea.
“Right. Well, he was riding a horse- he does that sometimes- and I heard the hooves and I turned around and THERE HE WAS. I about killed him then and there, but then… uh, he tried to kill me first.”
“I thought you said he was a bear?” Anne commented.
“It’s a metaphor. I kept hiding and taking random jobs, which basically leads up to today. I am currently the man who plays the piano at McDonalds. So, yeah. Now you understand why I invited you in for tea.”
Ash nodded at the man. “Crane would be having a field day right now,” she murmured to Aleenya.
Aleenya yawned. “Yeah, probably…” she looked out the window. The Joker, having found nothing of interest, put his face on the table much like when he had been complaining about Batman earlier.
“That was a very interesting story, David,” Ash commented, blinking a few times and rubbing her eyes.
“Thank you!” he said haughtily.
“I’m tired,” Anne mumbled, sipping at her tea. The Joker sat up quickly, looking around at the others. Ash frowned for a second and rubbed her eyes again.
“Why am I so tired?” Aleenya mumbled, and then fell asleep.
Anne sat up sharply, but the movement lacked energy. David smiled broadly over all of them. The Joker rolled his eyes and glared at the man as Ash passed out while murmuring “God BLESS AMERICA..” Just a little while later, the Joker lost consciousness as well.
When Anne opened her eyes, the first thing she saw was a five foot tall nutcracker. The Joker was awake by that point, having had only a little of the tea, and he was just muttering bitterly to himself.
“I am severely annoyed with that man,” Anne muttered to him. She stood up. The room was empty but for a very large collection of nutcrackers. David had taken everyone’s weapons by this point and the door was locked. Undaunted by this, Anne started to hunt for a small piece of metal.
Aleenya slept better than she had in a long time. Due to Ash’s affinity towards warm drinks, she was still asleep. She had had too much tea.
The Joker said, “He’s certainly no Batman.”
Rather bitterly, might I add.
Anne paused in her hunt and said brashly, “Yeah, and what kind of a Joker are you that you fell for it?”
“Shut up. I don’t need caution anymore. We’ll get out of this anyway. These amateurs don’t know what they’re in for,” the Joker muttered.
“Right. I need a lockpick. He took mine.” Anne started to paw through the nutcrackers, searching.
“He’ll come back eventually,” The Joker said.
“I want to escape before that happens, though,” Anne said. The Joker shrugged and faceplanted on the ground, knocking over another nutcracker and cracking it’s head.
Anne blinked. “Did that have a purpose?” She continued to search.
“No,” the Joker mumbled. “I’m just waiting for Mr. Smith to get back so we can snap his cheery neck.”
Anne snorted. “Stop waiting around and go find him. That’s what I’m trying to do.” She discovered something like what she was looking for as a doorpin or something silly like that and immediately attacked the lock.
The Joker brought himself to look appalled. “And you would just leave our people here?”
Anne hesitated. “Well. I’ll come back.”
“Or he’ll come back,” the Joker said. “Better odds that we’ll run into him sometime in here than out there.” He leaned back and raised an eyebrow at Anne.
She shrugged. “I want to explore. Hopefully, I won’t be noticed.” The lock clicked and she smiled. The Joker sighed melodramatically and stood up.
Anne grinned at him. “See you in a bit!” she said. “Unless you’re coming?”
“You’re not going anywhere without me. These two won’t be entertaining in their state,” the Joker whined.
Anne chuckled a little. “No, probably not. I’m locking the door after us, if you don’t mind. In case he checks or something.”
“They won’t thank you,” the Joker commented. “Therefore, let’s go.” Anne stuck her tongue out at him and led the way through the oddly decorated house. She didn’t make it far before noticing a curtained off room. She listened to see if it was empty, then poked her head inside. It appeared to be something like a lab.
The Joker walked in and began fiddling around with random objects he found, looking progressively more bored with each one.
“This is only interesting if he’s doing, like, mad scientist things in here,” Anne commented.
“A lot of it looks like just sleeping drugs anyway,” the Joker answered.
“No dead bodies?” Anne peered under the sink.
“Not yet,” he said, sounding rather disappointed by this.
“Huh.” Anne flounced out of the room. The Joker threw the expensive looking gizmo he was holding onto the ground with a resounding clang that sounded like it broke something.
“Nice,” she said.
He shrugged and walked out of the door. After a few seconds he ducked into another room. Anne followed him.SUDDENLY, AS THEY WERE POKING AROUND, The Joker suddenly backed against a wall and put a finger to his lips. He saw a person-shaped shadow in the hallway.
Anne ducked behind a door and was silent. David floated past, unnoticing of the two in the room. He was headed in the direction of their nutcracker prison.
The Joker gave a cruel grin towards nothing and began to stalk after him.
David opened the door to the nutcracker room and noticed immediately that two of his prisoners were gone. Anne crept down the hall behind him.
The Joker jumped at the man and tackled him to the ground from behind with a loud war cry. Ash, who was now awake, shouted in surprise but started laughing almost immediately. Anne followed the Joker, her foot landing somewhere near David’s head. She was laughing.
Aleenya stared at the entire clump of human flesh. Ash was still laughing, finding this entirely too funny a thing to wake up to.
Joker had the man trapped on the ground, and demanded of anyone in the room who was listening, “Rope.”
Anne, who usually had such things, reached into the backpack that David had not taken away from her for some reason. She tossed some rope to the Joker.
The Joker tied the man up with practiced ease and shoved him up against the nearest wall. “You don’t mess with the big boys, buddy,” he muttered to the man, searching his pockets, and then threateningly waving David’s own knife in front of his face.
“Knives are my thing,” Aleenya said sulkily. “Give it to me, Joker, so I don’t have to hunt through this ridiculous house.”
The Joker sneered and threw the knife at Aleeyna, skulking away from the man and leaning against the opposite wall with his arms crossed.
Aleenya caught it by the hilt and moved closer to the man. “How’s it going, David?” she asked cheerfully. “You should really choose your guests more wisely.”
Anne was suddenly very quiet. So was David. Ash was quietly laughing to herself in the corner. She didn’t want to do anything but watch. This whole thing was too ridiculous for her.
“Maybe he’s blind and hiding it really well,” the Joker suggested, muttering.
“Scientific method!” Aleenya traced a faint line across David’s neck, causing a tiny trickle of blood. He did not react.
“I think he is a robot,” Ash declared. The Joker hissed, and pulled his own knife out of a hidden compartment in his shoe. Without warning, he stabbed through the man’s hands.
Anne, who was still being unnaturally silent, flinched.
“I think that made a hole,” Aleenya said.
“Does this bother you, buccaneer?” the Joker asked Anne, his eyes glinting with murderous fervor as he pierced the man’s shoulder slowly, watching the blood ooze around the blade.
“Only slightly.” Anne’s voice was remarkably cool. “Continue doing your thing.”
“David, David,” the Joker whined, the bloody blade now stroking up the man’s cheek, “I think there’s something wrong with you. Why won’t you answer me?”
David sat up, and the knife scraped his cheek. He stared directly forward as though he was possessed. “TROLL IN THE DUNGEON!” he screamed, and then lay back down on the floor.
Aleenya started to laugh and did not stop. This was slightly unnerving, as she had a rather sharp knife clutched in one hand. Ash joined in once again. “I swear to god!” she shouted through the laughter.
The Joker stared with a deadpan expression. “No. Nope. Nope, no, I’m done. Crazy people aren’t fun to play with.”
“You hypocrite!” Anne shoved him lightly.
Aleenya grabbed the man’s arm. “So when it’s just me I write Aleenya. Would this be like… AlAshJok… what’s your name again?”
She looked at Anne, who said, “Anne.”
“Right. Alashjokann… no, that is way too many letters.”
The Joker grabbed Anne’s arm and twisted it violently, barely looking at her. “You however, would be more fun, so don’t push it.”
Ash leaned over Aleenya’s shoulder. “Technically, it’s his fault, so you could just write David.”
“That is easier,” Aleenya agreed. “SCARRED BY HIS OWN NAME!” She carved a D into David’s arm. Irritatingly, he didn’t react.
Anne debated between hitting Joker and ignoring him. As he was a serial killer, she decided to ignore him. She pulled her arm away.
The Joker left Anne alone, and watched Aleenya do her work.
"This is incredible," Ash said in wonder at David's lack of response.
Aleenya scrawled the word in rather quickly with her knife, leaving behind a bloody mess. “I don’t understand,” she said.
“He isn’t even flinching!” Ash gasped.
The Joker sighed angrily. “This isn’t even fun. Just hurry up and kill him, Aleenya.”
Aleenya looked down at David for a long moment, and then sighed. “No,” she said. “I’m not going to kill him.”
The Joker groaned, “Fine then, make your friend do it.”
Ash laughed, “But he’s too funny to kill! I don’t want to rid the world of this!”
Aleenya gave Ash a slightly grateful look. “Besides,” she said. “I didn’t scar him for nothing.”
Anne, meanwhile, looked a little relieved.
The Joker sighed disgustedly, and walked up to the man, slicing his cheeks in two quick motions, and leaving him to choke on his own blood. “The criminals of this city just keep going further downhill,” he muttered unhappily, and then continuing to himself, “We need our motivation back.”
(I STRONGLY DISLIKE THE IMAGERY IN MY HEAD RIGHT NOW.)
Aleenya rolled her eyes. Anne decided to go steal something again.
“Aw..” Ash whined, not really sounding overly put-out, “He even gave us tea. What a sweet lunatic.”
The Joker sneered and stormed off to find the exit.
Anne walked a bit slower with Aleenya and Ash.
“Hey, Aleenya, we were originally here to find something of Crane’s to torment him with, right?” Ash asked. “You think we should still do that, or is this enough?”
“YES, we should.” Aleenya tore off in random directions and started looking through the extremely random house for hidden hideaways of Crane’s stuff.
Ash laughed and turned to Anne, extending a hand. “Ash. I’m not sure we’ve properly met,” she introduced herself.
Anne shook it. “I’m Anne,” she said. “I don’t think we have.”
“Well, it’s a pleasure. It’s nice to know that I’m not the only one that has had to deal with him,” Ash responded, gesturing towards the direction the Joker went.
Anne laughed a bit. “Mutual,” she said.
"How did you get involved?" Ash asked.
“Oh, just sort of… ran into him, you could say,” Anne told her.
Ash laughed. "Yeah, that's a good way of putting it, I suppose!"
Anne nodded a little absently. “Makes life interesting, certainly.”
"I'm honestly kind of glad that he's found some other way to preoccupy himself other than being at my house," Ash admitted. "He's fun, but you can't trust him."
“Of course not. He spends time at your house?” Anne glanced over at Ash.
"He used to," Ash said as they turned a corner.
Randomly, Aleenya ran back into the room. “I found a cowboy rubber duck hidden in the wall!” she said. “You think that it was Crane’s?”
Anne stifled a laugh. Ash didn't hide hers. "Somehow I doubt it, unless he grew up here."
Aleenya shrugged. “Maybe it did,” she said. “Where’s the clown man?”
"I stopped questioning him a long time ago." Ash suddenly gasped happily. "Aleenya!
Aleenya looked slightly alarmed at Ash’s excitement. “Yes?” she asked shrewdly.
"We have to keep it!"
“Crane? I thought we were already doing that.” Aleenya looked confused, and Anne couldn’t help but laugh.
(you made me spit out my coffee)
"No, no, no, the duck, you weirdo!" Ash laughed. "We need to stalk him with it until he tells us what it is!"
Aleenya smirked. “Oh,” she said. “Okay. I like that idea.”
Anne looked at her watch. “I have to go soon,” she informed them. “I have a, uh, thing to do.” She did not quite hide her smile.
"A... thing?" Ash questioned.
Anne’s smile broadened. “Yes, a thing,” she said abstractly.
"You are remarkably descriptive," Ash told her.
Anne looked at Ash and Aleenya for a moment, studying them. Then she said, “Have you heard of that sapphire that was just brought to Gotham to be auctioned? It’s worth approximately the same amount of money as Bruce Wayne’s house. It is rather large.”
"That's a lot of money.." Ash said.
“I know,” Anne said. “I intend to steal it.”
Aleenya raised her eyebrows. “Are you sure you can pull that off?” she asked, a little doubtfully. The pirate-girl had a certain innocence about her.
Anne rolled her eyes. “I have done this before,” she said.
Ash grinned. "Is that why the Joker's been hanging around you?"
“I don’t entirely know why he’s been hanging around me. He’s rather bored right now. Do you want to come with me?” Anne asked before actually thinking about it.
"Ooh! That sounds exciting!" Ash exclaimed.
“Though on second thought…” Anne frowned. “Are you capable of carefulness? Because I intend to not be caught.”
Aleenya scoffed. “I am elegant and graceful, thank you very much.” At that particular moment, she tripped on a table leg.
"Besides, if anything we can be a diversion for you!" Ash commented cheerily, trying to catch Aleenya.
Aleenya was not caught. She hit her head on the table and swore.
“Alright, sure,” Anne agreed cheerily after a moment’s thought.
"We are excellent at being distracting," Ash said.
“I’ve noticed,” Anne said. “Well, I am leaving now if you wish to come.”
Ash nodded.
Anne flounced out of the house. “Do you have a car?” she called over her shoulder. “It would make life easier, I think Joker went someplace.”
"Yes," Ash answered, leading the way to their car.